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AppliedEI is
a free ezine so please forward the link to people who have an interest in EI based
personal and professional development. All the content is copyright the Centre for
Applied Emotional Intelligence unless otherwise stated. Please acknowledge the CAEI
whenever you use any of the content. 
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The CAEI is in the process of becoming a charitable trust to be known as the CAEI
Trust. The Trust’s key aims will be to:
Here are the key aspects of our Learning & Development vision which we have
developed to support these aims.
Here are our plans to achieve this over the next few years.
Assessing attitudinal change
We will announce more about these programmes in a subsequent issue. Use of the AppliedEI™
trademark is discussed at the end of this article.
Financial stability
Further guidelines on how the AppliedEI™ kitemark will be used, and by whom, will be published on the CAEI Trust’s redesigned website in due course. (To find out more about the authorised use of the AppliedEI logo please contact amanda@appliedei.co.uk).
So, big plans! And we hope that you will support us in our endeavours. We already
have additional support through our new committee members, and will always welcome
help from you in whichever way you can give it. The simplest way is to let people
know about us – get them to subscribe to this free monthly ezine (see the link
at the top of this ezine). And participate in our events and courses as your own
EI development training needs arise – you will meet like-minded people as well
as benefit from leading edge training in this field. |
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 This month we are looking
at the last of the linear, more-is-better scales which measure aspects of self management:
Scale 10 Invitation to Trust. This is defined as “the degree to which you invite
the trust of others by being principled, reliable, consistent and knowable”.
There are two steps to the process: first, actually being trustworthy (i.e. “principled, reliable and consistent”), and second being known to be so by the person(s) whose trust you are inviting (i.e. “knowable”) – this is the personal openness directly measured by Scale 9 which we looked at last month . If you are a closed book, and not known by others, you can be in fact as trustworthy as you like but others will not trust you because you are an unknown quantity to them. So both steps in the process are necessary, which is why we have changed the name of this scale from “Trustworthiness” to “Invitation to Trust”. To approach from another point of view, there are two sets of reasons why people may not trust you: (i) they know you and/or have previous experience of you and have discovered that to a degree you are not principled, reliable and consistent, or (ii) they do not know you because you are not personally open, and so they are not willing to take the risk of trusting the unknown. As we have seen with other scales, you need to hold the “I’m OK You’re OK” life position to be truly trustworthy and score high on this scale. People who do not value others, who hold them Not OK, will not take the necessary care to keep their promises to them and not to let them down. And you need to hold yourself OK too: people who hold the “I’m Not OK You’re OK” life position will tend sometimes to say things which are not true and make promises they cannot keep in order to please the other; to this extent they are untrustworthy. Trustworthy people are pretty easy to recognise when we come across them: they walk their talk, they keep their promises, they behave the same when on their own as when observed by others, they are predictable in the sense that their behaviour can be relied upon. People who are reliable in this sense have largely resolved their internal conflicts so that there are not different bits of them which believe and do different things. They have integrity ("wholeness"). Developing our Invitation to Trust If you do not fit this picture, and your invitation to others to trust you is weaker than it might be, how do you set about strengthening it? As always, it depends on what is getting in the way, on what your relevant “interferences” are. Is your pattern sometimes not to do what you have said you will, or sometimes to do what you have said you won't? Either way, you need to make sure that you don't give the undertaking in the first place unless you are committed to it. Always check before making an agreement that you really want to do it (or not do it), and are not just "agreeing" out of guilt or duty or a desire to please. Better to say No in the first place than to say Yes and then let the other down. (Obviously this is particularly relevant to those who have a “Please Others” condition of worth.) If there tends to be a disparity between what you say you will or won’t do and what you actually do or don’t do, then when you are agreeing to do something, make a habit of at the same time planning when and how you are going to do it, and what you will do if prevented from doing so. When you are agreeing not to do something, make sure you identify what the temptations will be and how you will deal with them, and plan in advance what action you will take if you do do what you are promising not to do. If one of the reasons for the disparity between your words and your actions lies in the fact that you are psychologically unintegrated, that there are different bits of you which feel, want and believe different things and which consequently cause you to behave in different ways, so that there is no way for others to know which bit is going to be in charge at any one time, then in order to get people to rely on you you will need by self reflection to learn to identify the different conflicting bits of you, and work out how you want to resolve the conflicts. You may find talking it through with someone else helpful to this process.
And obviously, if your problem is not a lack of intrinsic trustworthiness but that
you are not personally open enough to be known and trusted by others, then experiment
with letting people know a bit more about you. Each day make sure you tell at least
one other person at least one thing - a fact, an insecurity, an excitement - that
you would normally keep to yourself. |
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The new Organisational Effectiveness tool